My family eventually moved to Texas, yet we never stayed put, like California, we lived in homes in good neighborhoods but homes that were run down.  Our family got good at working together to fit these homes up then they would be sold, the profit would be invested and we'd move to another home.  Once there were 5 in a year.  Montana was my only constant. 

When I went to Montana I felt at "home" .  No where else did I feel this way.  I dreamed of moving to Montana but my husband, a Florida boy didn't like the cold. Plus his work was in Texas.  I still dreamed, and I visited and I cried, because the yearning was so deep into my soul, yet like many parents and adults I pushed aside my dreams thinking they were gone and never more to be.  I hung pictures all over my home, even on my mirrors and work desk area, of my precious Montana.  I had maps and flags and the wild flowers, all who knew me knew of my love and desire to live in Montana.  Yet I didn't go because I didn't know how in the world I'd afford to live there.

Then my husband died, I loved him dearly and I was devastated, I went to Montana soon after the funeral, it was the only place I could find myself again.  I found some peace and some calm.  Yet I had to return, for I had no way to make a living.   And my parents lived in Texas and wanted me there.  So I went back, sadly I did.  Again I pushed away my dreams and took on my responsibilities as a mother, daughter and head of the household.

I studied Stress Management, I became a certified Facilitator, this I could do in Montana, yet now my oldest son wished to graduate in Texas with his friends, so I'd wait.   However, I took Creative Writing and started writing short stories, news articles and the church bulletin.  I loved writing and that I could do in Montana also!

Time passed and we moved around, we'd lost our home when my husband died, due to lack of insurance.  We stayed for a short while in a motor home at some friends house until we found a rental.  But that lasted a year before we moved to a mobile on my folks' land, but they decided to retire and again me had to move.  I found a little house and thought we'd settle there, but gangs roamed the area and it became unsafe.   We moved again, only to discover the water was polluted and undrinkable. 

I remarried my present husband, we'd met online, and together we decided to move from the townhome we leased, which was nice but costly, to invest in a mobile home of our own.   We're presently here but the lease for the land (a mobile home park) has gone up each year and the restrictions that would make it a safe community are not being enforced.

Never have I even felt at HOME except in Montana.  I have a darker version of the background as my desktop wall paper on my computer. I have pictures in every room of Montana.  I have a collection of pictures and info in my hard drive on Montana.   I surf Montana sites.  I write kids at Montana schools I ache in my heart to be in Montana.

It was Darren, my husband who sat me down and told me I could dream and work toward my dream.  He has always been intrigued of Montana, he is from Australia, but read all the Louis L'Amour books of the Rocky's and Montana....Yellowstone...he was talking in a chat room about just that when I first met him......we emailed and chatted a year before he came here and we were married.  I couldn't wait for him to meet my Uncle and Aunt, only before he could, my beloved Uncle had an accident while checking on cattle and was killed.

I can remember getting the news....I went numb.  We didn't have the money for me to go to the funeral, so I designed a website in his honor.  I ache thinking about his being gone even still although it's been a couple years now.  I loved him with all my heart and I thought he was my Montana connection.  Well, maybe once but Montana and I are connected by heart strings.  Montana flows through my veins, it soars throughout my body and soul.....Montana is my home.   Someday I'll go, Darren and I have promised each other that by 2002 we well pack up and go, no matter what.   I am preparing for it.  I wrote a book and got an agent.  Hopefully I'll find a publisher and I'm writing my second book, and I have a third in mind.  Even still I could work with my Stress Management abilities.  And I'm good at that.   I have clients presently who come long ways for my help, some via the Internet.

I have a great love of faeries and I'm called "The Faerie Lady" by children, because I always carry a small bottle of faerie dust and they all gather around to get it...adults as well. I have designed a beautiful faerie site online and a Gnome site (another love).  I started up Clubs this summer and that is another way I have of making a living.  I promote artists for a commission. 

When I go to Montana, I dream of having a home where I have a little bit of land...I want water close by.... I'm a water person too! A view of the mountains...trees yet not so many that I can't see the big Montana Sky.....I want to decorate my garden with Gnomes and Faeries houses....and wooden signs.....lots of flowers and I like being called The Faerie Lady, and quite frankly, being able to live in Montana, to finally come HOME and to have a HOME is a Faerie Tale come true.  .....an I believe! I'll always believe!  Jani

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