A Man's Viewpoint of Marriage

Submitted by: Michele Mulvey

1. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (A life sentence!!!)

2. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over the strings are attached.

3. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

4. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

5. Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two .... under the man's eyes.

6. Marriage certificate is just another name for a work permit.

7. Marriage is not just having a wife but also worries inherited forever.

8. Marriage requires a man to prepare 5 types of "RINGS" :

a) The Engagement Ring

b) The Wedding Ring

c) The SufferingRing

d) The EnduringRing

e) The TorturingRing

 

9. Married life is full of excitment and frustration:

-In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

-In the second year, the women speaks and the man listens.

-In the THIRD year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOURS listen.

10. It is true that love is blind but marriage is definetly an eye-opener.

11. Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends...You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

12. It's true; all men are born free and equal - but some of them get married.

13. There was this man who muttered a few mords in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

14. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and his wife takes.

15. Son : How much does it cost to get married , Dad?

Dad : I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

Son : Is it true, Dad, that I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries ?

Dad : That happens everywhere, son. EVERYWHERE.

16. There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married .. and then it was too late !!"

17. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

18. They say that when a man holds a woman hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defence.

19. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

20. There was this lover who told his love that he would go through hell for her. They got married - and now he is going through HELL !

21. Marriage is like a besieged castle - those on the outside want to get in,and those on the inside want to get out.

A man is not complete until he marries - after that he is finished.

 

The Ultimate Wedding Horror Story?

Found somewhere on the Web (definately NOT funny)

 

This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming.

 

To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a gift from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope. He said that was his gift to everyone, and told them to open it.

 

Inside the manilla envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. (He must have gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private dectective to trail them.) After he stood there and watched people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said Fuck You, he turned to the bride and said Fuck You, and then said I'm out of here.

 

He got the marriage annulled the next day.

 

While most of us would have broken it off immediately after we found out about the affair, this guy goes through with in anyway. His revenge: making the bride's parents pay for a 300 guest wedding and reception, letting everyone know exactly what did happen, and trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of friends, family, grandparents, etc.

 

An elderly couple came back from a wedding...

Submitted by: Daniel Pizano - San Jose, CA

 

An elderly couple came back from a wedding one afternoon and were in a pretty romantic mood. While sitting on their loveseat, the elderly woman looked at her companion and said, "I remember when you used to kiss me every chance you had." The old man feeling a bit obliged leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. Then she said, "I also remember when you used to hold my hand at every opportunity." The old man again feeling obligated reached over and gently placed his hand on hers. The elderly woman then stated, " I also remember when you used to nibble on my neck and send chills down my spine." This time the old man had a blank stare on his face and started to get up off the couch. As he began to walk out of the living room his wife asked, "Was it something I said, where are you going?" The old man looked at her and replied, " I'm going in the other room to get my teeth!"

 

Instruction & Advice for the Young Bride

 

 

Who Wears the Pants?

Submitted by: Kristen Kominski

A Young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said," here put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants, she said." "That's Right!!" , said the husband, "and don't you forget it." "I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!"

With that she flipped him her panties and said,"try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecap. He said, "hell, I can't get into your panties!" She said, "that's right, and that's the way it's going to be until your goddamn attitude changes!"